It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
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we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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