smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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