She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
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Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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