How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Drunk is a universal language darling
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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