Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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