I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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