Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize