Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
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theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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