I think I won the penis lottery.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
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I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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