i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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