apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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