That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
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I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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