I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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