Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(812): View more from Indiana

So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions

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(812): So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions http://tfl.nu/7b2z

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(330): View more from Ohio

You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha

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(330): You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha http://tfl.nu/wuor

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(720): View more from Colorado

I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.

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(720): I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn. http://tfl.nu/6oei

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(631): View more from New York

I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis

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(631): I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis http://tfl.nu/1ywh

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(708): View more from Illinois

Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.

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(708): Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places. http://tfl.nu/g3d1

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(702): View more from Nevada

Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip

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(702): Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip http://tfl.nu/lsox

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(214): View more from Texas

hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?

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(214): hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming? http://tfl.nu/vu51

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(612): View more from Minnesota

a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.

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(612): a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest. http://tfl.nu/dtsn

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(503): View more from Oregon

So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.

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(503): So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk. http://tfl.nu/hko9

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(205): View more from Alabama

I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.

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(205): I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick. http://tfl.nu/9o5a

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(773): View more from Illinois

That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.

(804): View more from Virginia

It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.

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(773): That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin. (804): It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals. http://tfl.nu/mo3g

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(408): View more from California

Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.

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(408): Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware. http://tfl.nu/gy46

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?

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(412): Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf? http://tfl.nu/41qm

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(616): View more from Michigan

I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet

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(616): I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet http://tfl.nu/hxg9

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.

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(405): Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month. http://tfl.nu/0lcc

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