Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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