Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
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I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize