The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
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It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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