I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
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I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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