Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
honey bunches of taint.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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