She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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