I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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