first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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