My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
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Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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