Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
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Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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