I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
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He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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