Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize