I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize