i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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