she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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