im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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did i walk over a car last night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
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I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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