here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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