i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize