WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
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I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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