the condom got lost in my hair
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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