i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize