Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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