I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
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My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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