I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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