Ambien. No doubt about it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize