i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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