I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
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I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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