Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize