Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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