My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
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Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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