1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize