You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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