So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize