We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
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Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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