that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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