So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
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I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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